When you decide to make changes in your life, things do not always go as planned. It seems that at some point I need to learn I have no control over certain things such as my feelings. I am going to feel how I feel and I need to deal with that. When I fight it, is when the problems begin. Maybe this time, letting myself go will be good, but being guarded could prove to be beneficial as well. It will never cease to amaze me how deciding on changing an aspect of yourself can so easily be overruled by a feeling. Therefore, I decide to let my feelings run free. I hope it allows for a stronger bond, if not, at least I am being myself.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Past
It's odd, the past is coming back. Not to haunt, but to recirculate. People pop through and occurrences repeat but time keeps moving forward. It is a very odd phenomena to watch your life take turns and paths that resemble past choices made. It can be sad if they are detrimental and poor choices that keep being repeated. It can be exciting if the occurrences were good. It can be cloaked if you do not realize what is happening.
Take a look at people in your life. Look at how they have been involved and the times they have not. Relationships ebb and flow as does the good and bad. No one will I ever write off, almost to a point some may consider apathy, but I do not believe in creating feelings. If you sit back and watch your life, you will see that you truly have no control over certain things. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the company of those around you. They may be part of you now, but it may be awhile before you cross paths again, but they will return.
Your past may be your past, but it circulates, reorganizes, reinvents and reincarnates itself into your present and your future.
Take a look at people in your life. Look at how they have been involved and the times they have not. Relationships ebb and flow as does the good and bad. No one will I ever write off, almost to a point some may consider apathy, but I do not believe in creating feelings. If you sit back and watch your life, you will see that you truly have no control over certain things. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the company of those around you. They may be part of you now, but it may be awhile before you cross paths again, but they will return.
Your past may be your past, but it circulates, reorganizes, reinvents and reincarnates itself into your present and your future.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Yes, We Can
It has come the time that America has spoken and it is time that this country turns itself around. Congratulations to President-elect Obama, but I would also like to congratulate someone even closer to me - my mother. Congratulations to her for standing up for what she believes in: equality, her cause and me. Thank you for fighting the fight, mom. You are the best.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Happiness
After a long time I have come to find happiness again.
Waking up next to him makes me more happy than I've ever been.
Joy comes forth as I roll over and see him next to me.
Waking up next to him makes me more happy than I've ever been.
Joy comes forth as I roll over and see him next to me.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Proximity
It is always better to say, "I wish you were here." than to say, "I wish he wasn't here." To love at a distance is better than to not love at all. It makes for a better relationship than to believe that you would be happier if they were not with you.
Florida
As I leave Florida I realize that I need to find someone to settle down and begin my life. I love coming home to my kittens and my house, but to be back in someone's arms is the best feeling in the world. Someone I can confide in, create a life with, and miss while I am gone. It has come. I am ready. Any suggestions?
Monday, April 07, 2008
Women, wise?
At one point in my life, a palmist looked at me and, with sadness in her face, said, "You have to find a way to let it go". I stared back at her blankly and she continued, "There is a force that weighs you down beyond your control. Someone or something in your life causes you more stress and anxiety than you are able to mentally deal. Find a method to release this stress or some day it could destroy you."
With a little more help from her and a few more insights on my part, I have identified what I believe to be the issue. It is at least something I need to deal with, if not exactly of what she is speaking. I almost broke down recently, but I shall prevail. Deep breaths......
I shall prevail.
With a little more help from her and a few more insights on my part, I have identified what I believe to be the issue. It is at least something I need to deal with, if not exactly of what she is speaking. I almost broke down recently, but I shall prevail. Deep breaths......
I shall prevail.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Confused
Words that led me to believe one thing.
Actions that don't follow through.
What could this all mean?
I really don't know what to do.
Actions that don't follow through.
What could this all mean?
I really don't know what to do.
Disappointment
It appears that, once again, I have met someone that could become very special to me. Unfortunately there is a glitch: he's moving 2000 miles away. ugh I don't even know what else to say, but that I hope we at least get to spend time together prior to his departure. I believe that everyone is connected by an energy that flows through us all. This energy draws us towards each other. Therefore, if this is true, someday maybe our paths will cross again. If not, I at least look to gain something from meeting him for this short time. In the interim, I will yearn to fill the part of me that needs companionship. Hopefully someone can do that for me.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
McDonald's, passersby and a truckload of toilet paper
Today, for some un-godly reason I decided to stop by McDonald's to quell my craving for some nuggets. After pulling into the garage and grabbing the distinctive sack from the golden arches, I glanced to the backseat and noticed I forgot to bring in the toilet paper I had purchased at Target previously in the day. Have you ever noticed how you have to buy a pack of toilet paper that has 12 rolls which actually equal 24 rolls? Needless to say, it's not a small package.
So, there I am, deep-fried food and toilet paper enough to clean up Katrina walking down the street. I begin looking around and notice odd looks coming from passersby. I begin thinking of what could possibly be so odd about me and I realize that I am essentially carrying a shit-factory in a bag with the means to clean it up! People must be wondering if I live off McDonald's with all that toilet paper. Needless to say, I walked as quickly as possible to my front door, praying no one would be in my elevator.
So, there I am, deep-fried food and toilet paper enough to clean up Katrina walking down the street. I begin looking around and notice odd looks coming from passersby. I begin thinking of what could possibly be so odd about me and I realize that I am essentially carrying a shit-factory in a bag with the means to clean it up! People must be wondering if I live off McDonald's with all that toilet paper. Needless to say, I walked as quickly as possible to my front door, praying no one would be in my elevator.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
To all of God's children.
I believe that we are all connected by a higher power. Some call it God, others Allah, but whatever it is, some sort of energy unites every human being on this planet. Recently the little boy in this picture was murdered by one of his male classmates because he asked him to be his valentine. I have no words that have not already been said about this tragedy except that there exists an utter disgust in my heart for any family that teaches a child hatred. At 15, Lawrence King, lived his life proud of who he was and was murdered for it by a 14 year old. Shame on that 14 year old's parents. Not only has he ruined the life of many people by eliminating the life of Lawrence King, but he has ruined his own life by acting as he did. Love is the only thing that will keep this world together, but, apparently, love does not exist in the murderer's family, nor does the murderer exist in God's family as far as I'm concerned. Shame and disgust on them.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The Choice to be Happy
During your life there are many points that you have to choose one path over another. At those points, Buddha teaches us that we should choose the path that makes us most happy. That is the path I choose, will you go with me?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Work Ethic
I don't understand why government employees feel they need to take six hours to do a simple task. Recently I was at Cook County Department of Corrections from 8:30AM to 7PM because the processing of someone took that long. The worst part about the whole day was actually waiting to post bail.
I arrived at 3:30PM and gave the name of the person to the lovely woman - we will call her "Ulga" - that was soon to evolve into a she-devil. She responded with a pointed finger in the direction of a multitude of others milling around and grunted, "Have a seat." I quickly realized the irony of her sentence when I noticed there was nowhere to sit, but on the ground. Begrudgingly I went to a free space along the crowded wall thinking that it would not take too long.
An hour passes and not even a word from the woman behind the desk about anything that is going on. I decide to turn up the charm meter and meander over to just see what the hold up is. As I approach, the slovenly creature turns her head from a conversation she'd been having for the past hour with a colleague whose behemoth size astoundingly dwarfed her elephantine build.
"Papers haven't arrived from court." She snarled. " I will call your name when I process them."
She actually didn't finish the sentence before she spun around to continue her conversation about the previous episode of, appropriately, The Biggest Loser. I was thankful that I had great hearing (and a high metabolism) or I would have hated to have her repeat herself. Walking away I realized that I had not even said a word and she assumed, albeit correctly, that was what I wanted.
During the next couple hours someone was released randomly every thirty to forty minutes, but nothing that even makes a dent in the mass of people waiting their turn to just get to the bond window. The whole time Ulga is chatting away typing at a hypersonic speed of four words a millennium.
After a blistering (yes I actually have blisters on my ass from the tile floor) four hours my name is finally called. Gathering my things I go to the counter, grab the paperwork and proceed to go through the security scanner. (This is the fifth scanner I have been through. There are four check points along a thirty foot walkway with no access anywhere but the beginning and end of the walkway just to get to this building so I am wondering to myself where the hell would I have picked something up along the way that wouldn't be allowed to the freaking bond window!?)
After paying the bail I go to exit the same security scanner and they ask for my ID. Don't even get me started on why I haven't shown my ID through five scans but they want it on the way out of the damn place. With receipt in hand I approach Ulga for what I pray my final time and hand over the receipt.
She recites, "Thank you for paying this bond. The defendant will be released as soon as possible. You are welcome to have a seat and wait or you may leave and wait for the defendant in your car."
Timidly I ask, "What does 'as soon as possible' really mean? Is it worth it to wait?"
Ulga, thrown off from her repetition, looks up and says, "Minimum two hours," and rolls away on her chair.
With that I am gone. Out the door, to the car and on my way home. It is a wonder these people even keep their jobs. If I performed like that at any job I've ever had, even washing cars when I was 17, I would have been fired. But somehow, these government employees are allowed to perform their job while keeping their detached disinterested antagonistic attitudes while serving us, the tax payers who, in a round-about way are paying their salary and, thus, are their true employers.
I arrived at 3:30PM and gave the name of the person to the lovely woman - we will call her "Ulga" - that was soon to evolve into a she-devil. She responded with a pointed finger in the direction of a multitude of others milling around and grunted, "Have a seat." I quickly realized the irony of her sentence when I noticed there was nowhere to sit, but on the ground. Begrudgingly I went to a free space along the crowded wall thinking that it would not take too long.
An hour passes and not even a word from the woman behind the desk about anything that is going on. I decide to turn up the charm meter and meander over to just see what the hold up is. As I approach, the slovenly creature turns her head from a conversation she'd been having for the past hour with a colleague whose behemoth size astoundingly dwarfed her elephantine build.
"Papers haven't arrived from court." She snarled. " I will call your name when I process them."
She actually didn't finish the sentence before she spun around to continue her conversation about the previous episode of, appropriately, The Biggest Loser. I was thankful that I had great hearing (and a high metabolism) or I would have hated to have her repeat herself. Walking away I realized that I had not even said a word and she assumed, albeit correctly, that was what I wanted.
During the next couple hours someone was released randomly every thirty to forty minutes, but nothing that even makes a dent in the mass of people waiting their turn to just get to the bond window. The whole time Ulga is chatting away typing at a hypersonic speed of four words a millennium.
After a blistering (yes I actually have blisters on my ass from the tile floor) four hours my name is finally called. Gathering my things I go to the counter, grab the paperwork and proceed to go through the security scanner. (This is the fifth scanner I have been through. There are four check points along a thirty foot walkway with no access anywhere but the beginning and end of the walkway just to get to this building so I am wondering to myself where the hell would I have picked something up along the way that wouldn't be allowed to the freaking bond window!?)
After paying the bail I go to exit the same security scanner and they ask for my ID. Don't even get me started on why I haven't shown my ID through five scans but they want it on the way out of the damn place. With receipt in hand I approach Ulga for what I pray my final time and hand over the receipt.
She recites, "Thank you for paying this bond. The defendant will be released as soon as possible. You are welcome to have a seat and wait or you may leave and wait for the defendant in your car."
Timidly I ask, "What does 'as soon as possible' really mean? Is it worth it to wait?"
Ulga, thrown off from her repetition, looks up and says, "Minimum two hours," and rolls away on her chair.
With that I am gone. Out the door, to the car and on my way home. It is a wonder these people even keep their jobs. If I performed like that at any job I've ever had, even washing cars when I was 17, I would have been fired. But somehow, these government employees are allowed to perform their job while keeping their detached disinterested antagonistic attitudes while serving us, the tax payers who, in a round-about way are paying their salary and, thus, are their true employers.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Stop the fighting
I decided it was time to send a message. I don't know how far it will reach, but this is what I said. Both e-mails have been sent. I have also included the website for anyone that wishes to join me in letting them know that enough is enough.
Mrs. Clinton's Email: http://www.hillaryclinton.com/help/contact/
I don't know how far this will reach in the campaign for Mrs. Clinton, but I've been a big supporter of hers for awhile and was exuberant when she announced her candidacy for president. Lately, however, I'm becoming more and more disgusted with the bickering that is happening between her and Obama. I really feel that it is hurting the campaign and if there is any way for the message to reach the ears of Mrs. Clinton and her staff please inform them that it's time to stop. No one wants to hear how bad either of them are doing. We want to hear about what they plan to do to get this country back to the greatness it once was. They may be running for the same office, but we are all working for the same goals and, thus, should be uniting, not dividing. I am sending this message to Obama's campaign as well. I hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears. Thank you for your time.
Mr. Obama's Email: http://my.barackobama.com/page/s/contact2
I don't know how far this will reach in the campaign for Mr. Obama, but I'm a Chicagoan and staunch supporter of his. Lately, however, I'm becoming more and more disgusted with the bickering that is happening between him and Mrs. Clinton. I really feel that it is hurting the campaign and if there is any way for the message to reach the ears of Mr. Obama and his staff please inform them that it's time to stop. No one wants to hear how bad either of them are doing. We want to hear about what they plan to do to get this country back to the greatness it once was. They may be running for the same office, but we are all working for the same goals and, thus, should be uniting, not dividing. I am sending this message to Clinton's campaign as well. I hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears. Thank you for your time.
Mrs. Clinton's Email: http://www.hillaryclinton.com/help/contact/
I don't know how far this will reach in the campaign for Mrs. Clinton, but I've been a big supporter of hers for awhile and was exuberant when she announced her candidacy for president. Lately, however, I'm becoming more and more disgusted with the bickering that is happening between her and Obama. I really feel that it is hurting the campaign and if there is any way for the message to reach the ears of Mrs. Clinton and her staff please inform them that it's time to stop. No one wants to hear how bad either of them are doing. We want to hear about what they plan to do to get this country back to the greatness it once was. They may be running for the same office, but we are all working for the same goals and, thus, should be uniting, not dividing. I am sending this message to Obama's campaign as well. I hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears. Thank you for your time.
Mr. Obama's Email: http://my.barackobama.com/page/s/contact2
I don't know how far this will reach in the campaign for Mr. Obama, but I'm a Chicagoan and staunch supporter of his. Lately, however, I'm becoming more and more disgusted with the bickering that is happening between him and Mrs. Clinton. I really feel that it is hurting the campaign and if there is any way for the message to reach the ears of Mr. Obama and his staff please inform them that it's time to stop. No one wants to hear how bad either of them are doing. We want to hear about what they plan to do to get this country back to the greatness it once was. They may be running for the same office, but we are all working for the same goals and, thus, should be uniting, not dividing. I am sending this message to Clinton's campaign as well. I hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears. Thank you for your time.
Friday, January 18, 2008
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