TDK

I have not posted anything in awhile, but this is all I have to say right now:

Proximity

It is always better to say, "I wish you were here." than to say, "I wish he wasn't here." To love at a distance is better than to not love at all. It makes for a better relationship than to believe that you would be happier if they were not with you.

Florida

As I leave Florida I realize that I need to find someone to settle down and begin my life. I love coming home to my kittens and my house, but to be back in someone's arms is the best feeling in the world. Someone I can confide in, create a life with, and miss while I am gone. It has come. I am ready. Any suggestions?

Women, wise?

At one point in my life, a palmist looked at me and, with sadness in her face, said, "You have to find a way to let it go". I stared back at her blankly and she continued, "There is a force that weighs you down beyond your control. Someone or something in your life causes you more stress and anxiety than you are able to mentally deal. Find a method to release this stress or some day it could destroy you."

With a little more help from her and a few more insights on my part, I have identified what I believe to be the issue. It is at least something I need to deal with, if not exactly of what she is speaking. I almost broke down recently, but I shall prevail. Deep breaths......

I shall prevail.

Confused

Words that led me to believe one thing.
Actions that don't follow through.
What could this all mean?
I really don't know what to do.

Disappointment

It appears that, once again, I have met someone that could become very special to me. Unfortunately there is a glitch: he's moving 2000 miles away. ugh I don't even know what else to say, but that I hope we at least get to spend time together prior to his departure. I believe that everyone is connected by an energy that flows through us all. This energy draws us towards each other. Therefore, if this is true, someday maybe our paths will cross again. If not, I at least look to gain something from meeting him for this short time. In the interim, I will yearn to fill the part of me that needs companionship. Hopefully someone can do that for me.

McDonald's, passersby and a truckload of toilet paper

Today, for some un-godly reason I decided to stop by McDonald's to quell my craving for some nuggets. After pulling into the garage and grabbing the distinctive sack from the golden arches, I glanced to the backseat and noticed I forgot to bring in the toilet paper I had purchased at Target previously in the day. Have you ever noticed how you have to buy a pack of toilet paper that has 12 rolls which actually equal 24 rolls? Needless to say, it's not a small package.

So, there I am, deep-fried food and toilet paper enough to clean up Katrina walking down the street. I begin looking around and notice odd looks coming from passersby. I begin thinking of what could possibly be so odd about me and I realize that I am essentially carrying a shit-factory in a bag with the means to clean it up! People must be wondering if I live off McDonald's with all that toilet paper. Needless to say, I walked as quickly as possible to my front door, praying no one would be in my elevator.

To all of God's children.

I believe that we are all connected by a higher power. Some call it God, others Allah, but whatever it is, some sort of energy unites every human being on this planet. Recently the little boy in this picture was murdered by one of his male classmates because he asked him to be his valentine. I have no words that have not already been said about this tragedy except that there exists an utter disgust in my heart for any family that teaches a child hatred. At 15, Lawrence King, lived his life proud of who he was and was murdered for it by a 14 year old. Shame on that 14 year old's parents. Not only has he ruined the life of many people by eliminating the life of Lawrence King, but he has ruined his own life by acting as he did. Love is the only thing that will keep this world together, but, apparently, love does not exist in the murderer's family, nor does the murderer exist in God's family as far as I'm concerned. Shame and disgust on them.

The Choice to be Happy

During your life there are many points that you have to choose one path over another. At those points, Buddha teaches us that we should choose the path that makes us most happy. That is the path I choose, will you go with me?

Work Ethic

I don't understand why government employees feel they need to take six hours to do a simple task. Recently I was at Cook County Department of Corrections from 8:30AM to 7PM because the processing of someone took that long. The worst part about the whole day was actually waiting to post bail.

I arrived at 3:30PM and gave the name of the person to the lovely woman - we will call her "Ulga" - that was soon to evolve into a she-devil. She responded with a pointed finger in the direction of a multitude of others milling around and grunted, "Have a seat." I quickly realized the irony of her sentence when I noticed there was nowhere to sit, but on the ground. Begrudgingly I went to a free space along the crowded wall thinking that it would not take too long.

An hour passes and not even a word from the woman behind the desk about anything that is going on. I decide to turn up the charm meter and meander over to just see what the hold up is. As I approach, the slovenly creature turns her head from a conversation she'd been having for the past hour with a colleague whose behemoth size astoundingly dwarfed her elephantine build.

"Papers haven't arrived from court." She snarled. " I will call your name when I process them."

She actually didn't finish the sentence before she spun around to continue her conversation about the previous episode of, appropriately, The Biggest Loser. I was thankful that I had great hearing (and a high metabolism) or I would have hated to have her repeat herself. Walking away I realized that I had not even said a word and she assumed, albeit correctly, that was what I wanted.

During the next couple hours someone was released randomly every thirty to forty minutes, but nothing that even makes a dent in the mass of people waiting their turn to just get to the bond window. The whole time Ulga is chatting away typing at a hypersonic speed of four words a millennium.

After a blistering (yes I actually have blisters on my ass from the tile floor) four hours my name is finally called. Gathering my things I go to the counter, grab the paperwork and proceed to go through the security scanner. (This is the fifth scanner I have been through. There are four check points along a thirty foot walkway with no access anywhere but the beginning and end of the walkway just to get to this building so I am wondering to myself where the hell would I have picked something up along the way that wouldn't be allowed to the freaking bond window!?)

After paying the bail I go to exit the same security scanner and they ask for my ID. Don't even get me started on why I haven't shown my ID through five scans but they want it on the way out of the damn place. With receipt in hand I approach Ulga for what I pray my final time and hand over the receipt.

She recites, "Thank you for paying this bond. The defendant will be released as soon as possible. You are welcome to have a seat and wait or you may leave and wait for the defendant in your car."

Timidly I ask, "What does 'as soon as possible' really mean? Is it worth it to wait?"

Ulga, thrown off from her repetition, looks up and says, "Minimum two hours," and rolls away on her chair.

With that I am gone. Out the door, to the car and on my way home. It is a wonder these people even keep their jobs. If I performed like that at any job I've ever had, even washing cars when I was 17, I would have been fired. But somehow, these government employees are allowed to perform their job while keeping their detached disinterested antagonistic attitudes while serving us, the tax payers who, in a round-about way are paying their salary and, thus, are their true employers.

Stop the fighting

I decided it was time to send a message. I don't know how far it will reach, but this is what I said. Both e-mails have been sent. I have also included the website for anyone that wishes to join me in letting them know that enough is enough.

Mrs. Clinton's Email: http://www.hillaryclinton.com/help/contact/
I don't know how far this will reach in the campaign for Mrs. Clinton, but I've been a big supporter of hers for awhile and was exuberant when she announced her candidacy for president. Lately, however, I'm becoming more and more disgusted with the bickering that is happening between her and Obama. I really feel that it is hurting the campaign and if there is any way for the message to reach the ears of Mrs. Clinton and her staff please inform them that it's time to stop. No one wants to hear how bad either of them are doing. We want to hear about what they plan to do to get this country back to the greatness it once was. They may be running for the same office, but we are all working for the same goals and, thus, should be uniting, not dividing. I am sending this message to Obama's campaign as well. I hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears. Thank you for your time.

Mr. Obama's Email: http://my.barackobama.com/page/s/contact2
I don't know how far this will reach in the campaign for Mr. Obama, but I'm a Chicagoan and staunch supporter of his. Lately, however, I'm becoming more and more disgusted with the bickering that is happening between him and Mrs. Clinton. I really feel that it is hurting the campaign and if there is any way for the message to reach the ears of Mr. Obama and his staff please inform them that it's time to stop. No one wants to hear how bad either of them are doing. We want to hear about what they plan to do to get this country back to the greatness it once was. They may be running for the same office, but we are all working for the same goals and, thus, should be uniting, not dividing. I am sending this message to Clinton's campaign as well. I hope that it doesn't fall on deaf ears. Thank you for your time.

If I could only...

My cat's clean themselves, but not this thoroughly!

Holidays

It's the time of year again where everyone is happy, the green foliage has been replaced by a thick blanket of white and Christmas carols are ringing through the air in every store you enter. During this time, one thought always jumps into my head: Fuck it.

Seriously. To hell with it all. After New Years Eve everyone will go back to being their regular bitchy selves and the whole "Christmas Spirit" will have left. Why can't this merriment and joy go on all year long? Who knows.

My challenge to you: Go out and enjoy yourselves this season, but remember the joy you feel and try to carry it with you throughout the year. For it is not in the short times that joy is spread through the world that matters, but the everlasting peace and love we share all throughout the coming year.

My Attention

It has come to my attention that men are the new women. I discovered this fact while speaking to my best friend. After seeing this fact reiterated on television and in many books I've been reading, I must believe it to be true. Thankfully, we still do not have to push an eight-pound baby out of our groin.

H2R

Every year the auto show comes to Chicago. This past year one of the big trends was demonstrating what each manufacturer was planning for future LEV's (low-emission vehicles). Hydrogen was the big puller this year, and BMW has stepped up to the plate. I was extremely excited when I saw the first commercial yesterday for BMW's H2R - their new hydrogen car. It is set to be released in the next couple years. Check out the spot for it here.

I'm over it

I have had enough of people that have no common courtesy. If you say you are going to call, then call. If you make plans and can't or don't want to follow through with them, then say something instead of just not showing up. If you want to walk all over people and think only of yourself and not care about other's feelings, then get the hell out of my life. I've had it. Seriously, move on, I deserve better.

August Rush

When Freddie Highmore played in Finding Neverland I lost myself in childhood. He is now starring in a new film about being an orphan in New York and trying to find his parents (Kerri Russell and Jonathan Rhys Meyers) through music. Bring out the Kleenex.

I can't wait!

This movie looks amazing!

Release all the pressure.

Everyday something new and exciting happens to us - we wake up. It is probably the BEST time of the day, since most of our anger, frustration and stress has been washed away by sleep. Those eight or more hours a night are the best remedy for a bad day.
However, one should never just fall asleep in that state. To combat those negative emotions that have built up through the day, I always take at least 3 deep breaths after lying down and getting comfortable. Try it. I mean DEEP breaths. Concentrate on the actual act of the breathing so that all the thoughts running through your head are no longer in the front of your mind. Notice how comfortable you are under the covers, feel them envelope you. Take notice of the air going in and filling not just your lungs, but your whole torso. Then slowly release it. Make yourself so empty that your stomach becomes concave and forces the rest of the air out of your lungs. With that release, feel the tension go away and leave your body. I say 3 breaths but I just keep going until I don't feel any stress anymore. Most of the time I fall asleep without even realizing it. At some point, while doing this or when you wake up in the morning, remember these words by Robert Frost: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on."

Open

it is open, wide
a mind of it's own, eyes peering to the future
hope? desire, maybe
choose to wait, wait to choose
I feel and see an exit, no end
that could be selfish or smart
but indifference fills it
no one can comprehend as
the explanation does not exist,
but, as with all experience,
lessons have been learned
I discover in myself the true
meaning of "me"
incomplete is the story,
voracious is the mind,
open is the heart