Hey hey you you, YOU have a girlfriend?

"My girlfriend", to a gay man, these could quite possibly be two of the most confusing words. A few months ago I met a man, my age, in my yoga class. He is well built, well groomed, soft spoken, and approached me. We shared mindless banter and discovered that we reside only a few buildings apart.
Over the months brief conversations revealed more details about our lives and their similarities. Enough to the point that I conclude he is gay, a conclusion I never jump into without proper evidence.
Returning from the store today I run into him again. Following polite salutations he mentiones he got engaged and life has been crazy since his girlfriend moved in. My protien bars almost fell out of my hands. Finishing my walk home, I pondered his ubiquitous gay traits.

Silent Legacy

Silent Legacy

Why did you steal the matches
From the one room motel
Once they gave you answers
Now they give you hell
They will never understand
They wonder where did they go wrong
How could you be so selfish
Why can't you get along

And as you pray in your darkness
For wings to set you free
You are bound to your silent legacy

You've seen it in the movies
And you've heard it on the street
Craving the affection
Your blood is full of heat
They don't listen to your reasons
As original as sin
Deny all that you feel
And they will bring you home again

Your body is alive
But no one told you what you'd feel
The empty aching hours
Trying to conceal
The natural progression
Is the coming of your age
But they cover it with shame
And turn it into rage

You are digging for the answers
Until your fingers bleed
To satisfy the hunger
To satiate the need
They feed you on the guilt
To keep you humble keep you low
Some man and myth they made up
A thousand years ago

Mothers tell your children
Be quick you must be strong
Life is full of wonder
Love is never wrong
Remember how they taught you
How much of it was fear
Refuse to hand it down
The legacy stops here

Oh my child...

- Melissa Etheridge

A beautiful day

What's inside

Admiration is so random;
deep love so rare,
it seems quite ridiculous
to store and not share.

Be proud of yourself
in all that you do.
Relationships will blossom
when that shines through.

Friends become lovers;
enimies become friends,
but the ones that truly matter,
on them you can depend.

Uncover what's inside;
who you truly are,
and soon you will realize,
eternal love is not far.

Commercial #3

This is not a tearful commercial, but one that makes me laugh everytime I see it. I thought it would be a good addition since I've been kind of down lately.

I feel empty

Monday, April 16, 2007.

For some reason I have never been more disturbed by an inhumane act than the one that occurred at Virginia Tech two days ago. I first saw something on the news with the cell phone video but paid no attention. Within a few hours of seeing that I was glued to the television, tears streaming. I felt empty. Like someone had taken a part of my soul.

School had always been a favorite place for me. I love to learn and love the environment. I always felt a sense of security there as well, like many students usually do. Even though I've been out of college for years, this tragedy made me feel insecure.

I will forever cry when hearing about this event. 33 people woke up on Monday, not knowing it was their last day alive, and this post is in their memory.

Ross Alameddine
Alameddine, 20, was a sophomore English major from Saugus, Mass. A memorial page on Facebook.com describes him as "an intelligent, funny, easygoing guy." Alameddine was killed in the classroom building at Norris Hall, Robert Palumbo, a family friend, told the Associated Press. Photo from Facebook.com.

Christopher James Bishop
Bishop, 35, was a German instructor teaching in a classroom in Norris Hall before he was killed. He moved to Virginia Tech in 2005 from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Bishop, known as Jamie, also had worked as a freelance graphic artist, designing digital art covers for a number of books, according to his Web site. He enjoyed "working with and researching digital photography, designing websites and multimedia projects, and investigating new technologies," according to the Virginia Tech Web site. He was a graduate of the University of Georgia.

Brian Bluhm
Bluhm, a graduate student, was working toward a master's degree in water resources, according to the Virginia Tech Web site. He had received an undergraduate degree from Virginia Tech in civil engineering. On a memorial page at Facebook.com, Amy Miley of Virginia Tech wrote, "Brian was a very happy individual. You couldn't help but smile when you were around him. Let's all shed our tears and then smile in his memory." Photo from Facebook.com

Ryan Clark
Clark, 22, was a senior with a triple major in biology, English and psychology. The native of Columbia County, Ga., was known by the nickname "Stack." Clark was one of the first two victims killed at the Virginia Tech campus on Monday. He was a student resident adviser at the West Ambler Johnston dormitory, where he was gunned down. Clark was a just a month away from graduation. He was active in the school's "Marching Virginians" band. He had hoped to pursue a doctorate in psychology. Photo from Facebook.com

Austin Cloyd
Cloyd was an international studies major from Blacksburg, Va. Cloyd's father teaches accounting at Virginia Tech, her former pastor, the Rev. Terry Harter, told the Associated Press. The family moved to Virginia in 2005 from Champaign, Ill., where they were active members of Harter's church. Harter told the Associated Press that Cloyd was a "very delightful, intelligent, warm young lady." She played basketball and volleyball in high school and went on mission trips to Appalachia, he said.

Jocelyne Couture-Nowak
Couture-Nowak was a French instructor at Virginia Tech. Her daughter, Francine Dulong, told The Daily News of Halifax, "My mother was a very big opponent of guns; she really abhorred violence, especially with guns. I definitely could see her fighting to the end." Richard Landry, a spokesman for the francophone school board in Truro, Nova Scotia, told the Associated Press Couture-Nowak was one of three mothers who pushed for funding to begin a French school in the Canadian town, where she lived in the 1990s.

Kevin Granata
Granata, 45, was a professor of engineering science and mechanics. He had served in the military and later conducted orthopedic research in hospitals before coming to Virginia Tech. He and his students researched muscle and reflex response and robotics. Ishwar Puri, head of the school's engineering science and mechanics department, says Granata was one of the top five biomechanics researchers in the country, and was working on movement dynamics in cerebral palsy.

Matthew Gwaltney
Gwaltney, 24, of Chester, Va., was a graduate student in civil and environmental engineering. Gwaltney was close to finishing his degree. His high school principal, Robert Stansberry, told the Associated Press that Gwaltney had been named "Best guy to take home to your parents" in high school, where he was also sports editor for the school newspaper.

Caitlin Hammaren
Hammaren, 19, was a sophomore majoring in international studies and French. She graduated in 2005 from Minisink Valley High School in Slate Hill, N.Y., and was a talented musician, said Dr. Martha Murray, superintendent of Minisink Valley Central Schools. Hammaren played the violin and sang. She also was a strong student and wanted to go into international politics, Murray said. "She actually has been described as someone who was like a magnet for other kids and a role model. Always very positive," Murray said. Students at the high school have talked about Hammaren in their classes, and school officials are trying to do what her father told Murray he wanted them to do: "Celebrate her." Photo from Facebook.com.

Jeremy Herbstritt
Herbstritt, 27, was a graduate student in civil engineering. Family members said in a statement that he was a good storyteller and a fun-loving person with a great sense of humor. He liked to kayak, run and hike and loved the outdoors. They also described him as "a bright young man, a hard worker and a wonderful son and brother." Photo courtesy of the Herbstritt family

Rachael Elizabeth Hill
Hill, 18, a freshman, graduated from Grove Avenue Christian School in Henrico County, Va. Her high school superintendent and pastor, Clay Fogler, said in a statement that "the world has lost one of its brightest prospects," according to Roanoke.com. He said she was beautiful, intelligent and a leader, and she had a close relationship with her parents. "One of her beloved scriptures is Song of Solomon, 8:5 — 'Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?'" he said. "Rachael saw herself as the one coming out of the wilderness and needing to lean on her Savior more and more," Folger said. On a memorial page set up on Facebook.com, Hilary Albert of East Carolina wrote, "God wanted another beautiful and perfect angel up there in Heaven with him." Photo from Facebook.com

Emily Hilscher
Hilscher, 19, was a freshman majoring in animal and poultry sciences. A native of Woodville, Va., Hilscher was a 2006 graduate of Rappahannock County High School. She was known around her hometown as an animal lover, and had worked at a veterinarian's office there. On a memorial page on Facebook.com, Lauren Kintner of Virginia Tech recalled, "Emily was amazing. She was so filled with life and always had something wonderful to say or was always making me smile." Hilscher was one of two people shot at the Ambler Johnston dorm; the other was Ryan Clark. Photo from Facebook.com

Jarrett Lane
Lane 22, was valedictorian of his high school class in Narrows, Va. According to Lane's friend, Justin Waldron, the school put up a memorial to Lane that included pictures, musical instruments and his athletic jerseys. Lane played the trombone, ran track, and played football and basketball. Waldron said in a Facebook entry that Lane was "loved by all and hated by none." Photo from Facebook.com

Matthew LaPorte
LaPorte 20, was a freshman majoring in university studies. He was a 2005 graduate of Carson Long Military Institute, a private boys' school in New Bloomfield, Pa., that offers military training, according to its alumni association's Web site. Photo from Carson Long Military Institute.

Henry Lee
Lee, 20, was a freshman majoring in computer engineering. He attended William Fleming High School in Roanoke, Va. A high school friend of Lee told Roanoke.com that he was shy at first, but once he became your friend, "he was the most wacky and funny and spastic person," Amanda Theller said. Lee, who was the salutatorian of his class, was reluctant to speak at his graduation in June, friends and his principal, Susan Willis, told the Web site. But he was talked into giving the speech, which made Willis cry. Willis said the saddest thing about Lee's death is that "the world is going to miss what he had to offer."Photo from Facebook.com

Liviu Librescu
Librescu, 76, was an engineering science and mathematics lecturer. He was among the victims at Norris Hall. Students say Librescu tried to keep the gunman from entering the room so that others could jump out of the windows to save themselves.
Born and educated in Romania, Librescu was internationally known for his research in aeronautical engineering. He was a Holocaust survivor; Monday was Holocaust Remembrance Day. Engineering department head Ishwar Puri said Librescu, who was born in a communist country, had a "great thirst for freedom."

G. V. Loganathan
Loganathan, 51, was a professor of civil and environmental engineering. He was born in southern India and had been a professor at Virginia Tech since 1982. He taught courses in hydraulics, hydrology and water resources engineering and was a core adviser for undergraduates in the department. His students described him as one of their favorites, and he received several awards for excellence in teaching. On a Virginia Tech Web site, one colleague, Dr. William Knocke, described Loganathan as "truly one of the most outstanding classroom educators within the College of Engineering."

Partahi Lombantoruan
Lombantoruan, 34, was a civil engineering doctoral student from Indonesia.

Lauren McCain
McCain, 20, of Hampton, Va., was an international studies major. On her MySpace.com page, she said Jesus Christ was the love of her life. Leonard Riley, a former pastor at her church, Restoration Church-Phoebus Baptist, told The Virginian-Pilot he has known the family for about 10 years. "You meet a lot of young people in your life, but not a lot will make the impression that Lauren did," he said. "To know her was to love her. She was always ready and willing to do for someone else." Photo from MySpace.com

Daniel O'Neil
O'Neil, 22, was a graduate student from Lincoln, R.I.

Juan Ortiz
Juan Ortiz, 26, a graduate student studying civil engineering, was originally from Puerto Rico.

Minal Panchal
Panchal, 26, was a first-year graduate student from Mumbai, India.

Daniel Perez Cueva
Perez Cueva, 21, was majoring in international relations. His mother, Betty, said her son, a native of Peru, was killed while in French class. His father, Flavio Perez, lives in Peru. According to an Associated Press report, Perez was trying to get a humanitarian visa from the U.S. consulate following his son's death.

Erin Nichole Peterson
Peterson was a freshman majoring in international studies. She had been a basketball standout at Westfield High School in Chantilly, Va., and was inducted into the National Honor Society as a high school senior in 2005. Peterson's high school basketball coach, Pat Deegan, said she was a good student and excellent athlete, who "made it her business to make everyone around her a better person." He said members of the basketball team shared anecdotes about how Peterson reached out when they were new to the school or nervous about playing their first varsity game. Peterson played on the varsity team for three years and was captain her senior year. Seung-hui Cho, identified as the gunman by police, attended the same high school. Photo from Facebook.com

Michael Pohle Jr.
Pohle, 23, of Flemington, N.J., was a graduate of Hunterdon Central High School.

Julia Pryde
Pryde, 23, was a graduate student from Middletown, N.J. She had been in G.V. Loganathan's advanced hydrology class when she was killed, her adviser, Mary Leigh Wolfe, told the Asbury Park Press. Wolfe, a professor of biological systems at Virginia Tech, said Pryde graduated with a bachelor's degree in biological systems engineering last spring. "She always tried to make a difference herself, rather than try to ask someone else to do something," Wolfe told the newspaper. Wolfe had traveled with Pryde to Ecuador last year to study water systems there. Photo from Facebook.com

Mary Karen Read
Read, 19, was from Annandale, Va.

Reema Samaha
Samaha, 18, was a freshman from a close-knit Centreville, Va., family of Lebanese descent. She loved acting, dance and drama and was studying French, said Luann McNabb, a family friend. Samaha was close to her older brother and sister, and her family traveled to Beirut to visit her mother's family almost every summer. Samaha had attended Westfield High School, where she won a talent show last year with a belly dance, McNabb said. Victim Erin Peterson and gunman Seung-hui Cho attended the same high school. Photo courtesy of Vincent Posbic

Leslie Sherman
Sherman was a sophomore majoring in history and international relations. She graduated in 2005 from West Springfield High School in Springfield, Va. Her friend Buddy Miller, also a sophomore at Virginia Tech, said Sherman wanted to join the Peace Corps after college. Sherman loved the Russian language and Russian history, Miller said. He described her as someone who was always happy and optimistic. Photo from Facebook.com

Maxine Turner
Turner was a senior majoring in chemical engineering. She was from Vienna, Va.

Nicole White

White, 20, was a junior majoring in international studies.

To all you people out there that ever played Dungeons & Dragons or those that made fun of us that did....this one's for you.

Commercial #2

As I promised, here is the second installment of my emotional commercial thread. Kleenex first ran this spot in the movie theaters prior to the motion picture. Of course, I was crying. Here is why:

The L-word

One should never admit to loving someone
until it is impossible to prevent it any longer...
children who when they write 'i love you'
do not know that they are saying 'i yield myself'

-choderlos de la close, Dangerous Liaisons

Da Crib

I gutted and renovated this house:

http://www.onlinerealestatelive.com/Nav.aspx/Page=%2fPageManager%2fDefault.aspx%2fPageID%3d1996087

Adoption

I'm watching the Oprah show airing today, January 25, 2007. A segment with a woman named Jenna is on my TV upset because she cannot bear children. I hear this story very often, and am sympathetic, yet have one burning question, What about adoption? Jenna briefly mentioned it was an option in the future, but what about now? I was adopted at birth and could not have had a better life or more loving parents. It pains me that there are 1000's of kids out there without homes or parents and the topic of adoption is rarely talked about. I think adoption needs to be brought out to the front of society. I wonder why Oprah did not delve deeper into adoption other than it wasn't the main show topic. Maybe there needs to be a show about adoption choices with interviews of parents and children of adopted families? The horror stories are out there, however, the empowering and uplifting stories outweigh them and, I feel, it's time to share.

Crying at the commercials

Every now and again there is a commercial ("spot" in the business terminology) that moves me beyond tears and almost into hysterics. I'm a sap, we all know, but there are commercials that are ridiculously emotional. I plan to share some with you all. Here is the first one.

New favorite song.

I'm not a big fan, but this song is unbelievable.

Love the hair.

I can't stop laughing to type so I will just let you watch.

Sexy is as sexy does.

Truly, the mind of men will never change.

Weather's here, wish you were great.

I'm so far from being on vacation. But I thought it would be nice to share with you what vacation looks like. Maybe you are enjoying a long weekend in a place such as this. With holidays upon us and the hectic lifestyle we live it's always nice to take a moment to enjoy the daydream of a relaxing. Have a safe and happy season. And next time you're away in the sun don't forget to rub it in everyone's face.

Inspiration

For awhile now I've been working on a book. I don't want to say novel because who knows how long it will end up. But it's a very important story that needs to be written. However, I find it difficult to express myself over lengths of pages for I get lost in my own thoughts and feel it doesn't come to fruition in a cohesive manner.

There are "methods" and "tricks" that have worked for many but it still proves to be unbelievable that what I have to say will be understood. Let alone, in a way that I am able to profess. At what point do you move on? At what time do you consider a break? Never.

It may never get written but at least I will never give up trying. Being an author ranks in my top few "hardest things to do" list. I may even die before I complete the final draft, but at least at that time I know someone will be able to read what I have begun and continue my mission.

At the times in our lives when things seem so unsurmountable you would rather move in a direction that does not involve it, one should always remember that making the attempt is greater than any end result. Even if the possiblity of satisfactory completion is beyond the realm of imagination, it would be better to die prior to the final draft. Someone, maybe no one you know, will have the same dream and be able to pick up where you left off. Begin to believe in your power of inspiration, for good things will come from those inspired.

New addition

After Braum passed we have decided to bring another cat into the house. Only this time it is two cats. A male and female kitten, Linus and Lucy. They have, so far, been terrors. I'll keep updates on how everyone in the house is doing.

It's a wonder

A few posts previous I said that the newest and greatest addition to Michael's and my household was our kitten. Braum quickly became our pride and joy and we rarely did anything without him.
However, a week ago today on October 16, Braum was diagnosed with FIP, a rare feline virus. It moves fast, works hard, and is 99% fatal. And, on this 23rd day of October 2006, Braum Pierce Downmann left our household.
I love him so much...he will forever be in my heart.

My new favorite song

You may have heard of this boy from a music group called O-Town. But, Ashley Parker Angel has returned with his solo debut. And - I LOVE THIS CD! Here's his first single, "Let You Go". Trust me, I love music, and every song on this CD is AWESOME.